December 6, 2017: Fostering Constructive Communication, Part Two

By Scott E. Friedman, Andrea H. HusVar, and Eliza P. Friedman

Several weeks ago, we began discussing the value of constructive communication—whether in business or in everyday life.

We also had a think about why most people struggle with it.

You may recall that, according to studies at the University of Minnesota, the average person remembers only about half of what he or she has heard—no matter how carefully he thought he was listening.[1]

Over the coming weeks, we’ll take a look at some ideas informed by science to help families more constructively communicate with one another.

The first strategy is memorializing agreements in writing.

Research at places like Florida State University and Michigan State University revealed that an average listener will remember only about twenty-five percent of what was said only two months after listening to a talk—and that we are likely to forget from one-half to one-third of what we heard within eight hours. Putting agreements in writing will help reduce misunderstandings that result from innocent, but faulty, recollections.[2]

Another idea is to sensitize individuals to the importance of non-verbal communication.

Non-verbal communication can occur in a variety of ways, including through gestures, body language (posture), tone of voice, facial expression, eye contact, etc. It can also occur through choices in fashion, hairstyles, and perfume or other scents. We also communicate non-verbally through space (for example, consider the location and decor of an office), time (consider, for example, whether one is punctual or consistently late), symbols (for example, using emojis), and sounds (such as a choice of ringtone on a phone).

Interestingly, we can even communicate silently, the meaning of which can be positive or negative, depending on the context, to reflect, alternatively and as only one example, either rapt attention or lack of interest. Sometimes we communicate non-verbally by multi-tasking, such as, for example, when listening to someone but, at the same time, checking emails. It can be both intentional and deliberate, or unintentional and unconscious. It can reflect emotions like happiness, unhappiness, interest, curiosity, annoyance, empathy, etc. Perhaps the most famous work on the importance of non-verbal communication was done by Albert Mehrabian.[3]

While the subject is of continuing debate, Mehrabian is well-known for proposing that words account for only about seven percent of how we process a message; the balance is by considering tone of voice (accounting for about thirty-eight percent of how we process a message), and body language (accounting for about fifty-five percent of how a message is processed).[4]

Families in business together can use this information to help insure that their non-verbal communications are thoughtful and constructive; doing so will help enhance interpersonal relationships.

Our propensity to misunderstand each other continues to accelerate due to the increased use of technology to communicate as it is difficult to express emotions and feeling in emails, texts and tweets that only require a form of written text—at a time when researchers have established the importance of non-verbal communication—for effective communication.

Join us back here next week as we continue our discussion of effective communication strategies—including how a simple smile can make a big impact in business.

[1] Ralph G. Nichols & Leonard A. Stevens, Listening to People, Harv. Bus. Rev. (Sept. 1957),

[2] Id.

[3] See generally, e.g., Albert Mehrabian, Silent Messages (1971); Albert Mehrabian, “Silent Messages”: A Wealth of Information About Nonverbal Communication (Body Language), (last visited Mar. 20, 2017).

[4] Mehrabian, supra.

November 20th, 2017: Family Business Advice from an Heiress (times 2): My Interview with Mitzi Perdue

By Scott E. Friedman

I recently had the privilege – and pleasure – to speak with Mitzi Perdue, the author of a new book titled How to Make Your Family Business Last. Anyone interested in this subject would be wise to listen to Mitzi. She comes from 2 very well-known family businesses – her father help start the Sheraton Hotel chain and her late husband, Frank Perdue, for many years led Perdue Farms. These two family businesses have been together for a combined total of 224 years. Beyond that Mitzi is the founder of CERES Farms, a family owned agricultural real estate investment company that, today, sells wine grapes to well-known wineries, including Mondavi, Bogle and Folie a Deux.

Mitzi shared with me how she came to recognize that so many participants in family businesses were unhappy – mostly because of arguments over petty matters. That pain (and appreciating the expense of family litigation that too often accompanied those arguments) left her wanting to share important insights and lessons that had benefitted her and her families.

Over the years, Mitzi has been a voracious reader on family business challenges, including not only books on business, governance and organizational dynamics but psychology and psychiatry as well. Through her lifetime of experience and continuous learning, Mitzi realized she had enough information to contribute to the field. And her book – full of stories, advice and practical templates, does just that, offering great advice to nurture or create a high functioning family business.

Consistent with the message on this blog (and our family business advisory company, NextGen Advisors, LLC), Mitzi believes that “culture” is the biggest tool available for keeping a family together. Recognizing that a positive culture doesn’t just happen, her book offers numerous great suggestions to nurture (or create) a positive culture.

Some of Mitzi’s suggestions include spending time together, creating a legacy of family philanthropy, embracing new family members, giving awards to recognize desired behaviors, creating an ethical will, considering engaging “collaborative lawyers” to help resolve disputes that can’t be resolved by family members alone, and thoughtfully consider the “pros and cons” of staying in a family business.

I encourage you to read Mitzi’s book – and check out to learn more!

As a courtesy to readers of this blog, Mitzi is making an autographed copy of her book, How to Make Your Family Business Last, that normally retails for $27.95, available for only $10. You can order your copy at this secret web page:

October 24, 2017: Fostering Constructive Communication, Part One

By Scott E. Friedman, Andrea H. HusVar, and Eliza P. Friedman

Families and businesses, indeed all of humanity, are tied together by their systems of communication, but communication is not easy.

Over the coming weeks, we’ll be sharing some strategies to help improve communication and avoid those “in one ear and out the other” situations. First, however, we take a look at why it’s so difficult.

Effective listening is very challenging for a variety of reasons, starting with the fact that humans think much faster than they talk. The average rate of speech for most Americans is around 125 words per minute while the human brain, made up of more than 13 billion cells, processes words at much higher speeds. As a result, there is a differential between thinking and speaking rates, allowing our brain spare time to continue thinking. This spare thinking time can make it difficult to concentrate on what another person is saying. [1]

We have all likely heard observations related to the notion of how often we “hear” but don’t “listen.” In fact, studies at the University of Minnesota found that the average person remembers only about half of what he or she has heard—no matter how carefully he thought he was listening. [2]

Unfortunately, without robust communication—and the right kind of communication—relationships can quickly deteriorate, putting family members at great risk of failing to understand each other, whether with respect to confusing finances, business plans, or any aspect of business. And the results can be costly.  Fortunately, there are a number of strategies informed by science that can enhance the quality of communicating and, so, reduce friction.

We’ll be taking a closer look at these strategies over the coming weeks, so stay tuned.

[1].Ralph G. Nichols & Leonard A. Stevens, Listening to People, Harv. Bus. Rev. (Sept. 1957),

[2]. Id.

October 17, 2017: Creating or Nurturing a Positive Culture: Showing Humility

By Scott E. Friedman, Andrea H. HusVar, and Eliza P. Friedman

This week we’re concluding our roundup of strategies that can help create or nurture a positive culture in the workplace. So far, we’ve identified (1) fostering social connections, (2) “promoting psychological safety,” (3) practicing gratitude, (4) being helpful, (5) showing empathy, (6) demonstrating compassion, and (7) practicing forgiveness as scientifically proven methods—which you can read more about in our previous blog posts.

Today, we’re focusing on one final approach: showing humility.

There is now a growing body of research confirming that practicing humility in the workplace—i.e., owning up to mistakes and being transparent about one’s own limitations, being receptive to feedback, and acknowledging the strengths and contributions of other team members listening—is not only an effective leadership strategy that nurtures a positive workplace culture, but an effective company growth strategy as well.[1]

From a family business perspective, particularly those run as partnerships between siblings and cousins, where individuals not only have disparate personalities but increasingly divergent circumstances with correspondingly diminishing shared genetic connections, reinforcing and authentically integrating these traits and behaviors will help create or maintain a workplace culture of acceptance, learning, and mutual support—which, in turn, enhances job satisfaction, employee engagement, performance, and, finally in turn, “bottom-line” growth.

Parents can help their children by 1) making caring for others a priority, 2) providing opportunities for children to practice caring and gratitude, 3) expanding a child’s circle of concerns, 4) being a strong moral role model and mentor, 5) and guiding children in managing their destructive emotions. Many of these behaviors can be—must be—taught by parents to their children years before those children are old enough to start working in a family business.[2]

If you’ve ever thought about the difference between “hearing” and “listening,” then check back here next week. We’re shifting gears to focus on proven communication strategies that can help enhance businesses and beyond.

[1] See, e.g., Bradley P. Owens et al., Expressed Humility in Organizations: Implications for Performance, Teams, and Leadership, 24 Org. Sci. 1517 (2013); John Dame & Jeffrey Gedmin, Six Principles for Developing Humility as a Leader, Harv. Bus. Rev. (Sept. 09, 2013),; Richard Martin, Humility as a Desirable Personality Trait and a Construct of Effective Leadership: A Review of the Literature (2014) (unpublished manuscript),

[2] See generally, e.g., Amy Joyce, Are You Raising Nice Kids? A Harvard Psychologist Gives 5 Ways to Raise Them To Be Kind, Wash. Post: On Parenting (July 18, 2014),

October 13, 2017: Creating or Nurturing a Positive Culture: Demonstrating Compassion and Practicing Forgiveness

Scott E. Friedman, Andrea H. HusVar, and Eliza P. Friedman

Welcome back to the blog, where we’re looking at the many methods that can help cultivate a positive work culture.

Over the past few weeks, we’ve identified (1) fostering social connections, (2) “promoting psychological safety,” (3) practicing gratitude, (4) being helpful and (5) showing empathy as scientifically proven strategies. Today, we’re taking a look at two additional approaches.

Demonstrating compassion:

Media outlets and academic journals are sharing information on the scientific reasons compassion is so important to our lives (and businesses).[1] What we’ve learned from these studies is families in business together can practice compassion by encouraging one other, providing emotional support, and giving time off from work.

Researchers at the University of Michigan’s CompassionLab have found that leaders who demonstrate compassion toward employees nurture individual and organizational resilience that helps in managing challenges.[2]

Practicing forgiveness

While the scientific study of forgiveness is nascent, the work so far demonstrates the power of forgiveness, including in helping to heal emotional wounds and, by reducing stress, accompanying physical ailments.[3]

These studies show that families and businesses who don’t practice forgiveness stay mired in negativity, causing continuing pain, suffering, and damage to the business by time spent focusing on the hurt rather than pursuing opportunities that could be important to the business. Practicing forgiveness in a family business can sometimes mean the difference between passing the business down to another generation or having to sell or close it. Successful families know the importance of forgiveness and have learned how to forgive each other.

Check back here next week for the final installment of “Creating or Nurturing a Positive Culture,” when we’ll be discussing why humility and transparency are key components of a positive workplace.

[1] See, e.g., Shimul Melwani et al., Looking Down: The Influence of Contempt and Compassion on Emergent Leadership Categorizations, 97 J. Applied Psychol. 1171 (2012); Aneil K. Mishra et al., Downsizing the Company Without Downsizing Morale, MIT Sloan Mgmt. R. (Apr. 1, 2009), (noting the importance of compassion during corporate downsizing); Emma Seppala, 10 (Science-Based) Reasons Why Compassion is Hot, Huffington Post: The Blog, (last updated Sept. 17, 2012).

[2] See CompassionLab, Leadership And Compassion, Univ. Michigan, (last visited Mar. 20, 2017). Stanford University also has a Center for Compassion. See The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, Stan. Univ., (last visited Mar. 20, 2017).

[3] Stanford University has established a center to focus on the power of forgiveness. Frederic Luskin, The Art and Science of Forgiveness, Stan. Medicine (1999), For more information on the emerging study of forgiveness, see generally Alex H. S. Harris et al., Effects of a Group Forgiveness Intervention on Forgiveness, Perceived Stress, and Trait Anger, 62 J. Clinical Psychol.  715 (2006).